As my 30th birthday is approaching I have decided to take this time to lay down a few lessons that I have had the good fortune to learn. So I am titling this after a ridiculously sappy country music song that I heard far too much one year. God I hated that song. I won't be talking about beer and lemonade, etc. so don't worry. What I did want to talk about was some lessons that I learned in the last thirty years of my life. I don't know dear reader if you care, or if you are looking for any answers in your own life, but I hope that you can take away something from this and possibly make your journey through life a little easier. Barring that, I hope you find a modicum of amusement.
Here goes.
1. Forgive yourself. I have made mistakes; God knows I have. But I learned only recently that I can't dwell on them. Hero worship is overrated. You will never live up to your heroes so don't even try. They may have lived up to theirs but I'm sure they wasted a good deal of time comparing themselves to people that they simply can't beat because they are either dead or they place them on so high of a high pedestal that it is unreachable. Screw it. Be the best that you yourself possibly can and move on. You will spend more productive time on yourself rather than wallowing in your own misery and self-doubt. Just get on with it. It's one thing to desire something but really most of life is about minimizing risk--failing that, it is about being as happy as you can with the day you are given.
2. If you are knocked down by life, get up and fight back. Life is hard, we cannot sugar-coat it. In times like these we are all starting to realize that we lived in a little bubble that was unsustainable. We were promised the world and told that we would have fantastic standards of living. But the party is over. Ivy League educated lawyers and hedge fund managers in New York, Los Angeles, and D.C. are now bridge-and-tunnel people looking for work at the GAP. Move on. Endure. We cannot sit down and let life just pass us by. When things look their darkest you have to stand up and fight. I have seen some pretty dark days myself (buried a brother, sister had cancer, layoffs, poor childhood, blah blah blah) but you can't make that define you. In life you have to get up and fight.
3. Act selfless but not stupid. For me this comes in the area of women. I suppose it all started with my first girlfriend who I let walk all over me. I thought I wasn't good enough for her or some such nonsense and it all culminated in me being with women that I felt like I could save because that is what "nice guys" do. Well I was in a very very bad relationship for four years and it taught me that there is no such thing as a sure thing. We need to fight for ourselves in this world. Hopefully someone will be there in the trenches with you and you can rely on them. But you can't really love someone else until you are happy with you. Just being a nice person without taking care of yourself is horrible for the other person because you become a burden on them. They feel obligated to take care of you and vice versa. Maybe you don't think this is a bad thing but ultimately is it not better for all involved if you go into something giving them your very best and continually trying to keep yourself in decent working order so you can help them when they need it? I mean look--if you are in a relationship with someone that says they need to seek help repeatedly and then keep putting it off you are in for some trouble. It doesn't matter if this person is someone who comes from a seemingly perfect family, well-to-do suburbia, religious leaders, innocent church-girls, any of it. You really are not helping them. If they know they need help and are putting it off to save face or something you just need to move on. Maybe they will get help in time and then you can be there for them, but you can't force someone to get help...you just can't. All you can do is help them through when they are getting the help if they ask. Like I said, be selfless but not stupid. Don't enable someone; you will only hurt yourself in the long run.
4. Take risks. I am writing this entry approximately 6,200 miles (10,000 km) from where I was born. I have lived in Minneapolis, Tokyo, Los Angeles, San Diego, Wales, Washington D.C., and now Beijing. I have few regrets other than I may have wasted some time with some women that I was speaking about in point 3. (But I suppose I couldn't have known that at the time.) Life is about experiences and going out and really living. Make a difference in something that you care about. Try. Find out what it is about your life that you may want to explore and just do it. This world does not wait for us; it only gives us the opportunity before we are called home to do something. So get on with it already. You never know where life will take you. You don't have to go far; you don't even have to go anywhere if you don't want to. The point is to find that one thing that you are afraid of doing (within reason) and just do it. You might surprise yourself. One of the greatest things for me was finding out that somewhere inside of me is an incredibly assertive person with the confidence to make the world meet me on my terms. But I am not special. I believe that inside all of us is the power to do what we most fear.
5. Be tolerant of others and learn to listen. Long ago I was a pretty judgemental person but over the years I have worked hard to change that. One of the greatest friends I have, in fact she is the moral compass in my world, is the exact opposite of me. But god we have so much fun together. I have learned more from her in ten years of friendship about myself and the rest of the world than a whole host of other acquaintances combined. That is what I am talking about I suppose. Find someone different than you and talk to them; try and understand them. Maybe you can't be friends but at least try and see why they see the world that way. Perhaps we as humanity cannot all get along and never will...but I have to believe that the trying is worth the effort. We should get something out of that at least.
And now dear reader I give these lessons to you. I hope you found something in them. If not, at least we shared a moment that hopefully wasn't a total loss.
Take care.
--A Wise Man in the East
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